I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
