Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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