I think I won the penis lottery.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
