he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
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