Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
