Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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