We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
