i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
