Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Never let your siblings swipe right.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
