I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
