You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
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