I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
