i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
