I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
How does it feel to date your dad?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
