I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
