Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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