I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Randomize
