I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
