Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
