I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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