oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
