Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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