You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
