She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
