May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
