I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
