You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
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Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
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Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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