i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
