I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
