We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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