she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
