we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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