mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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