You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
