you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
