I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
