ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
