brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
this hospital has no fireball
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
