I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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