Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
COCAINE IS GR8
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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