i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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