I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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