no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
where am i from again
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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