the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
