If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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