She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
