Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
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Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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