If i come over, it means nothing
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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