you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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