apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
