Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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