I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
