I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
ttyl tear gas
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
