this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
