yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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