i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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