why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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