Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
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