Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
