she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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