i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
