If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
