I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
