youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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