I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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