you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Let's get the cat blown out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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