I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
