And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
