porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
