So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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