pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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