I am in a vortex of obligation.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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