thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
