hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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