I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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