what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
This baby is an asshole
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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