question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
handjob tips. give me some.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
