i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i would one night stand the shit outta him
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
