She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
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I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
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i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
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