There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.