i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!