yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
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Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
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He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
my poor anus
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me