cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
