as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
