I can text with my tongue
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works