I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail