I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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